Save Water! Support Nudity!
I am thrilled that the City of Ashland is requiring people to cut back their water consumption. I’ve never been big on volunteering, the quality of my work usually falls under the mediocre category, and (mostly) I’m lazy - so conserving water is finally my big opportunity to show the city how much I care! This is something I can do, something I can excel at, a brand new hobby to pursue.
First I’m going to stop washing dishes. Some people turn off the water between soaping and rinsing, but I’m going to one-up those citizens, I’m not going to turn on the water in my sink at all. I am finally going to put to test my theory that if I leave dirty dishes out long enough the ants will come and pick them clean. I’ll start eating lots of ant favorites like toast with honey and coffee cake. This solves so many of my problems at once - I don’t have to do dishes and I don’t have to worry about keeping ants out of the kitchen.
Less showers, more deodorant. There’s nothing that says deodorant is just for armpits. I’m going to start rubbing it behind my neck and all over my feet as well. A little rubbing alcohol to kill the germs and I can stop using soap entirely. Of course I’ll have to keep the appearance of being clean because my other strategy to reduce my water consumption is to stop doing laundry. There’s nothing I hate more than wearing dirty clothes, so I’m planning on simply becoming Ashland’s next naked person. Join me! Oh please city counselors, put off your nudity ban until the wet season, for the good of water conservation!
I also think I can get my toilet flushing down to just once a day. My secret plan? To start peeing outdoors. When the urge strikes I’ll just sneak out into the back yard. I remember what a bonding experience it was after the New Years flood of 1997 to meet all my friends and neighbors at the local port-a-potty. Just imagine how much more connected you’ll feel to your neighbors when you happen to converge in the backyard at the same time for a little relief. Gives chatting over the fence a whole new meaning.
Obviously this goes without saying, but I will stop drinking water. “Save Water Drink Beer” T-shirts could get handed out in front of the City of Ashland utilities office. Milk, soda, and juice are all good options as well. Of course you’ll have to make sure the juice isn’t a local product, we might as well use up someone else’s water first. Same goes for bottled water from outside the area. Maybe I’ll ask my aunts in California to start mailing me gallon jugs of water, just to get through this rough patch. Sort of like sending college students care packages. In fact, we should ask this years entering freshman class at Southern Oregon University to pack their own supply of water.
Waste not, want not. I’m planning on lining my purse with plastic. The next time I’m out at a restaurant and don’t finish my glass of water and I can simply pour it out into my purse. Doggy bag for tomorrow’s lunch, sloshy purse for drinking later.
Ashlanders, do your part! Remember that this is a town that much like parts of Africa measures it’s seasons by total inches of rain. The wet season will come again, but during the dry season we can all get through with a little humor and a lot of imagination. When you see me strolling through town, naked, covered in deodorant and carrying a leaky purse, keep in mind that I am not the enemy, and as yet, not breaking any laws. Instead I am the guru and driving force behind water conservation. Thank you city of Ashland, for this wonderful, golden opportunity for me to finally let my spirit of volunteering shine.
First I’m going to stop washing dishes. Some people turn off the water between soaping and rinsing, but I’m going to one-up those citizens, I’m not going to turn on the water in my sink at all. I am finally going to put to test my theory that if I leave dirty dishes out long enough the ants will come and pick them clean. I’ll start eating lots of ant favorites like toast with honey and coffee cake. This solves so many of my problems at once - I don’t have to do dishes and I don’t have to worry about keeping ants out of the kitchen.
Less showers, more deodorant. There’s nothing that says deodorant is just for armpits. I’m going to start rubbing it behind my neck and all over my feet as well. A little rubbing alcohol to kill the germs and I can stop using soap entirely. Of course I’ll have to keep the appearance of being clean because my other strategy to reduce my water consumption is to stop doing laundry. There’s nothing I hate more than wearing dirty clothes, so I’m planning on simply becoming Ashland’s next naked person. Join me! Oh please city counselors, put off your nudity ban until the wet season, for the good of water conservation!
I also think I can get my toilet flushing down to just once a day. My secret plan? To start peeing outdoors. When the urge strikes I’ll just sneak out into the back yard. I remember what a bonding experience it was after the New Years flood of 1997 to meet all my friends and neighbors at the local port-a-potty. Just imagine how much more connected you’ll feel to your neighbors when you happen to converge in the backyard at the same time for a little relief. Gives chatting over the fence a whole new meaning.
Obviously this goes without saying, but I will stop drinking water. “Save Water Drink Beer” T-shirts could get handed out in front of the City of Ashland utilities office. Milk, soda, and juice are all good options as well. Of course you’ll have to make sure the juice isn’t a local product, we might as well use up someone else’s water first. Same goes for bottled water from outside the area. Maybe I’ll ask my aunts in California to start mailing me gallon jugs of water, just to get through this rough patch. Sort of like sending college students care packages. In fact, we should ask this years entering freshman class at Southern Oregon University to pack their own supply of water.
Waste not, want not. I’m planning on lining my purse with plastic. The next time I’m out at a restaurant and don’t finish my glass of water and I can simply pour it out into my purse. Doggy bag for tomorrow’s lunch, sloshy purse for drinking later.
Ashlanders, do your part! Remember that this is a town that much like parts of Africa measures it’s seasons by total inches of rain. The wet season will come again, but during the dry season we can all get through with a little humor and a lot of imagination. When you see me strolling through town, naked, covered in deodorant and carrying a leaky purse, keep in mind that I am not the enemy, and as yet, not breaking any laws. Instead I am the guru and driving force behind water conservation. Thank you city of Ashland, for this wonderful, golden opportunity for me to finally let my spirit of volunteering shine.
Views: 0
Comment
Birthdays
Ashland Daily Tidings
This Day in History
A&E Calendar
Badge
© 2012 Created by Webmaster.
You need to be a member of Connect Ashland to add comments!
Join Connect Ashland